I'm starting to think that hormonal birth control methods are just another way to subjugate women. It's making me upset.
EDIT: Some responders seem to think that I don't believe in birth control at all. I do. I think it's important to be able to decide whether or not you are ready to bring a child into the world, or if you want to at all.
Just in case you are curious, here's what I plan on using when it becomes necessary for me to think about birth control: Lady-Comp
I have a problem with letting things go. I can't let anybody off the hook until they give me a valid reason to do so. So I can be very argumentative and sarcastic and skeptical, and at times even nasty until there is nothing left to argue about. One reason I might let someone off the hook relatively easy, is if I don't care about what they think and/or because I don't plan on having a further friendship or relationship with them. This is why I usually don't argue with most people. I confess. I don't care about what most of you believe or do (as long as it doesn't involve me). This is why I am most critical with my family and with my friends.
Brian, I'm sorry.
Everyone else, I'm not sorry.
*** I have a lot of faith in my parents. I confess. Even though they anger me more than any other two people on the planet, I can look at them and admire certain things. The thing I admire about them most is their strong faith. They have been through much more hardship than I have; they lived through segregation and the civil rights movement; they have worked diligently (especially my father who at times has had up to 3 jobs) to provide for the family.
They have gone through their stages of questioning the church, leaving the church, returning to the church, questing after God, arguing against the flaws in the established religion, leaving the establishment in order to follow their conviction of sola scriptura, building their own fellowship with people who come to them for guidance, and applying what they learn from their devout study. I have seen these last six stages during my life, and I approve of the trend. I can visibly tell that, despite their issues, they are becoming better, more loving, and more dedicated people. They are a spiritual powerhouse for me.
My father's angry confrontational side seems to have cooled as he delves deeper into Christ's teachings. I have hope for myself, since I know I get that streak directly from him.
When I have children I hope they can turn to me for spiritual guidance as I look to my parents.
*** My spiritual life is probably different from many of those people who stand up in church and testify (but maybe it is not). When I am sad, and all I can do is fall to the ground and cry, that is a prayer I address to God. When I am hot with anger and there is no one to yell at, I address that to God, because ultimately God gave me this temper. When I am joyful for some reason or the other, I send my joy as a praise to God.
I can tell the difference between communication with God and the ritual of prayer. My tears are sometimes more of a communication than words could ever be. The incoherent praise song that I fashion on a day of joy is also prayer. And I think that these times when I share myself with God the most, are also times when I see the quickest results of my requests. I see the answer. It walks right in front of my face. My faith persists. Deus ex machina; the person with answer contacts me unexpectedly after months of silence; the gift of money comes in the exact amount needed to keep the bills paid and the checks from bouncing; my love turns out to be exactly who I was too ignorant to know that I should ask for.
***
But I trusted God and I asked for what would be best for me; it was all too clear to me after choosing the (ex) boyfriends that I had chosen, that no matter how nice a person seemed I would never know enough about them initially to make any real judgments about who they were. And by the time I figured out anything crucial, I would already be shot through with Cupid's love hormones to see anything clearly.
Then there are always a person's future choices to consider, which I will never be able to know before they happen, but which might make or break a relationship. I confess, I would break up a relationship if any boyfriend ever lost his Christianity. So I trusted in God who knows everything. So far it seems that God has delivered everything I need.
*** These past few weeks have been very good for me, if also irritating and painful. Through this re-evaluating process I have learned a lot about myself. I have also seen some questions answered that I have been praying about for the past several months. One of them in particular is very clear. I have my answer. Praise God. Another reason that this has been good for me is because I am now clearer about what I believe and what my goals in life are. I can tell that my relationship with God will grow stronger from this point.
I now want to follow Christ more than I have ever wanted to in my life.
I am more convicted that I should do so than I have ever before been.
I have more hope that this will be successful than I have ever had.
Marriage is the union of two people. Defined by contemporary sources, it is the uniting of two people in a consensual contractual and legally recognized relationship. The Bible defines it as when two people become one flesh. It would seem to me, then, that marriage is a life-changing choice. I believe strongly in its significance, and I know for sure that my life will not be the same after I am a married woman. To me, it seems that changing one's name is an appropriate signification of the gravity of this choice. Because of this belief that I hold, I have no problem with changing my name after marriage. In a book I have just started reading, "MAN as male and female: A Study in Sexual relationships from a Theological Point of View" by Paul K. Jewett, Jewett suggests that man is not actually so called until after the creation of woman, meaning that the male's relationship with the female is what gives both the title of "Mankind." Neither is a complete representation of the species without the other; neither is a picture of humanness (or the image of God) on its own.
Although I find his argument very interesting, what is most important about it for my purpose here is the naming aspect. For too long we have lived with the assumption that men should not change their names after marriage. Therefore "good feminists" have taught that women should not succumb to the limiting, identity submerging, tradition. However, I propose that the problem is not that women change their names after marriage (after all, keeping the name you got from your father is not particularly feminist), the problem is that men do not. Instead of participating in a merging of identities, he stays aloof from some of the significance, missing out on the transformative aspect. He is still free, in many ways, to think of himself as his unmarried identity. He can, if he chooses, relegate his marriage to the private sphere, where his wife (who is now Mrs. So-and-so) may not do this so easily. By keeping his former name and attaching great significance to them, the man does not "leave his father and mother," and he does not become one with his woman in the same way that she becomes a part of him. Instead, he draws his woman away from herself as an individual, and her family, to become a part of himself and his family. By behaving, at least in this nominal way, as if his relationship with his woman were less important than his relationship with his father, he misses out on the very heart of what marriage is supposed to be: A oneness of two consenting adults that no other relationship should come close to in comparison.
I have no problem, as a feminist, with changing my last name. I'm not losing anything, I'm adding to my experience and accepting that my husband is part of who I now will become. I do have a problem, however, with the way that husbands have not been expected to participate in this life-altering, blending experience with their wives.
In my universe things would be different.
John Smith and Mary Johnson would get married and become something that both could agree upon.
Or oer nikinya, Or oer nikinya, Or oer nikinya Y-iekytek ioktu'uh
So you might think this is pretty stupid, but I was creating this lullaby in my head (and then singing it) using words, and rules, that I made up while taking my morning constitutional.
Or oer- is a crooning sound that means "sleep" in this instance. It can also mean "death," but only in the right context.
Nikinya is the singular form of baby.
Y-iekytek means "in your." Ekytek here means "in" and prefixes "i" and "y" signify that it belongs to the baby.
ioktu'uh means "your bed." Oktu'uh would mean simply "bed." In the lullaby this word also includes the prefix for "your." It's not necessary to repeat this here, but the song does it for asthetic reasons.
I am a nerd. Even now I'm thinking of more words and rules for my Lullaby language.
I am a creative girl and can be intelligent at times. I write incessantly. I sing. Sometimes I paint things. I blog like mad. Moon and stars are fascinating. Trees are lovely. Feed me! I love to eat good quality foods. Teach me! I want to learn new things every day. University is insane, and I love it. I enjoy people. I enjoy life.
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